Dictionary of Alternative Guitar Effects

Effect	Definition
Compressor	Squashes your frenzied widdle-fest into a groovy 12 note pentatonic solo
Dimension	Stuffs you into a parallel universe when you cock up your lead break
Distension	Produces artificial beer gut when playing heavy rock pubs
Expander	Takes your 3 bum notes and turns them into a 3 minute solo
Flanger	Puts a flat edge all round your guitar
Guitar Synth	Allows the keyboard player to play convincing guitar solos you can mime to
Humaniser	Makes you look human... self explanatory
Intelligent Harmoniser	Takes any old collection of notes and turns them into the right chord
Limiter	Prevents the band playing faster than you
Phaser	May be used to stun or kill the audience
Pitch Shifter	Alters the angle between the neck of your guitar and the ground
Power Brake	Neatly finishes songs that usually fade out
Reverve	Plays C, Am, F & G all night
Speaker Simulator	Fake 4x12 Marshall cab
Stereo chorus	Simulates an audience of two booing!
Tap Delay	Varies the wait at the bar for your pint of lager
Wah Wah	Cries into your lager when the rest of the band says you were crap
Voodo Vibe	Rhythm unit based on samples of rattling chicken bones

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